Alhamdulillah

All praise to the Merciful.. Who has created me even I had done nothing to deserve existence.. Who guides me when I deserve no guidance.. Who loves me when I deserve no attention.. He the most high.. Alhamdulillah...

Ahlan ya Ramadhan!!

Time passes real quick.. Now it's the time of the year again.. Ramadhan, month of mercy... I overheard a conversation in the train on my way home yesterday.

Minah Saleh A: It's Ramadhan next week. 'Guy A' is going to fast next week.

Minah Saleh B: O.. really?? So he won't eat at all for a month?

Minah Salleh A: Not really.. He can only eat when the sun's down.

Minah Salleh B: How can they live like that for a month?

Minah Salleh A: Not even a sip of water..

Minah Salleh B: I heard they can't have sex. But for a whole month?

(I can't kept a straight face anymore at this point.. Don't they have other things to worry about? *shrugged*)

Minah Salleh A: Oh.. Just when they are fasting. He can't touch his girl when the sun's up. otherwise it's ok I think.

Minah Salleh B: Oh my.. I can't really understand why they'd do it... (with a smirk)

Me: EXACTLY!! YOU DON'T!! (not out loud though.. ngehehe.. Wasn't close enough to interrupt)

I'm not really sure if the topic was brought up because I was there in the next row opposite them or it's a mere coincidence (I should say fate.. but you get it don't ya?). But ya.. exactly!! they don't know.. if only they knew.. if only they knew..

well.. that's MY job to make them know!!

My life as an instant geneticist...

Not sure what I'm doing or wether I did it right.. heheh.. Guess I'm pretty talented at pretending that I know it all when in fact I know nothing more than the title of my project... muahahah... And the excuse behind not knowing anything will be.. 'oh.. I've been sick so I don't really get to do the research at home and I'm always busy with something elses when I'm in the office... uhuk2 *coughing*' and my supervisor will always buy that probably coz I haven't stop coughing for months... *grin* But it's true though.. I've been feeling crappy for months.. haven't been eating properly for weeks... I can tell that I'm losing a bit of weight.. which I think is a good thing.. hihihi..

It's fun though... never before I feel this motivated each morning waking up looking forward for what lies ahead of me. So eager to get things done.. to know more (probably an overstatement).. to explore the world of genetic research where everything is so unfamiliar and new (a bit scary too)..

It makes me realize how vast Allah's knowledge is... I mean.. My research is only about 1 single base mutation in 1 exon on a chromosome. yet there's sooo much to know.. soo much to learn. and there's like 3 000 000 000 base pairs in a chromosome.. not to mention how many chromosomes there are in a cell and how many cells there are in a human body... and Allah has inspire us human to research on that. to learn about it.. mapping every single base pair in each chromosome... and not to mention other fields of knowledge... Subhanallah... I can't believe there are people who don't believe in creation... Genius! there are too smart that they are blind and stupid..

Sabar jelah...

Dengan sungguh sabar sekali aku tulis blog ni walaupun kelopak mata berat 1 tan dah. walau aku tau memang takde org lain baca pon melainkan aku juga... tp niatku tulis ni bukan nk suruh org baca pun.. takpelah.. sabar jelah..

Hidup satu perjuangan. dari sebelum ovum bertemu sperma sampai hari ini aku masih berjuang. Masa belum jd fetus lagi sperma yg bwk separuh gene aku berjuang bermati2an nk bertemu ovum. bak kata lecturerku 'sperms are like homing pigeon..' biar kat mana pun tetap nak berenang menuju ovum. Bila nak keluar perut mak pun berjuang nk keluar birth canal tu bukan senang... Dah keluar kena berjuang nangis sekuat mungkin utk bukak paru-paru aku. Lepas tu nak dpt attention mak.. nak susu... nak main.. nak apa aje kena berjuang. paling koman rengek2... Dah besar sikit still kena berjuang.. nak rebut mainan, nak beli mainan, nak eskrem sume kena berjuang. Masuk sekolah pun berjuang nak buat homework, nak nampak cool, nak ada kawan, nak cari glamer?, nak excel upsr, pmr, spm.. semuanye kena berjuang. Pendek kata sepanjang masa aku berjuang.. nak tido pun kena berjuang...

Oleh sebab itulah aku kena sabar jelah....

Sabar dengan ujian... Allah banyak menguji. Satu hari Allah tarik kesihatan. Semua yg manis rasa hambar... hilang segala nikmat... sabar jelah... dulu ada nikmat kenapa x syukur? Satu hari Allah tarik nikmat kelapangan... Kerja lagi byk dr masa... kejar sana kejar sini... sabar je lah... dulu ada masa knp buang?

sabar buat kebajikan... kadang2 rasa penat asyik buat baik (tanda tak ikhlas la tu)... kenapa asyik aku je kena mengalah... tiap2 bulan kena sedekah, bila nak simpan duit?.. asyik2 kena tolong dia ni.. x pernah pun dia tolong aku.. sabar je lah...

sabar dari buat kejahatan... kejahatan tu indah... bestnye tgk movie.. best jugak kalo ada boyfriend... kalo makan riba cepat kaya... tp Allah maha mengetahui... sabar jelah...

Sabar.. sabar.. sabar...

kenapa susah sgt nk sabar??

Stealing bones i.e. curik tulang

Heh.. takdela curi tulang pun sbnrnye.. I opt to not having lunch and save some spaces for a big dinner.. muehehe.. so bagi mengisi masa yg takde la lapang mane ni menarik juga kalau mengarut2 kat sini.. (baikla baca qur'an) nway... I'm a bit lonely today. office mate semua xde. 2 org dlm misi melarikan diri.. sorg lagi ada exam plak hari ni. Pastu hari ni pulak xde bende nk buat sgt pun. duduk n baca journals yg melambak2 kat atas meja. adoiiii... mengantuk tahap koala rasanye...

ni dah masuk minggu keempat dah aku melangguk kat opis ni. satu hapa pun tak start lagi. Hari2 dtg lepak2 kat sini harapkan ehsan supervisor ajak buat apa2 yg patut. kalo tak duk la baca journal2 yg makin hari makin bertambah bilangannya.. huhu... but anyhow aku dpt pengalaman agak best la jugak... blaja byk benda.. yg paling best skali aku belaja politik tempat keje.. muehehehe... aku ni innocent sgt sblm ni... nampak diorg baik sgt2.. tp itulah.. bukan nak bersangka buruk tp kena lebih beringat... aku ada agenda aku. Jangan terlarut dlm agenda diorg plak.. aku bukannya lama kat sini pon...

Sebenarnya 2-3 minggu ni betul2 uji hati aku dr segi sangkaan buruk aku pd supervisor2 aku tu. bayangkanlah.. baru beberapa hari dtg sini dgn penuh keexcitedan tiba2 dpt pulak cerita seramm pasal supervisor aku dr ofismate. Hari2 aku jumpa supervisor aku aku mesti terfikir2 apa betulkah cerita2 itu.. nak concentrate pun payah. sometimes aku rasa bersalah dgn diri sendiri sbb bersangka buruk dgn diorg. padahal diorg baik je ngan aku... cet... ada ke patut aku jadikan dalil kata2 ofismate aku yg entoh betl entoh tidak..

...

Pengabaian.. heh.. udah lebih sepurnama daku tidak menjenguk blog bosanku ini... Maaf la ye sang blog jika ada hak tidak tertunai. Kalau dulu aku rasa aku busy skarang baru aku tahu apa kebendenye 'busy' itu. Dulu takde istilah TERlelap dlm hidup aku tp skang aku boleh terlelap bila tunggu org. cett..

Tapi apa-apa pun.. aku kata aku busy.. masih ada orang yang lebih busy dari aku.. Aku mohon ampun kpd akhawati kalau hak tak tertunai.. Jiddiyah tak cukup tinggi nak juggle btwn kebusyan dunia and kehectican perjuangan dgn saksama... uhuk..

Point of no return

I've abandoned my dear beanie bag for quite sometimes now.. no coffee either.. hehe.. nway.. who really cares..

Exam baru je habis. Not sure what to expect. Thought I did well... Tapi who knows.. Tawakal saje lah.. nothing left to do but lean back and pray. Alhamdulillah Allah helps me through it. Everything's smooth and silky.. a few bumps lah.. tp overall it was allright.

Habis exam ni tetiba all the urge, all the bright ideas of having fun just vanish... and I am left alone with a deep sorrow I just fail to understand. Too many regrets.. too many opportunities left untouched... Whatever.. brush it off.. istighfar.. and keep moving girl!! There's more to life than this whole self-pitying thing.. You can't move far if you kept looking back but do nothing about it.. action is what we need here... Don't just cry over your dying heart.. mend it.. fix it.. get a cardiologist if you need one... (so not funny..)

Aku akan pulang ke tanah air tak lama lagi. Mungkin itu yang menggugat ketenangan jiwaku. I'm not ready to go back... Terlalu besar cabarannya... Tak pernah aku betul2 berjaya mengkontrol diri kalau kat malaysia. Susah benar. paling kurang mesti ter 'engage' dgn borak2 tak berpekdah. Bila diajak berjumpa kawan2 lama apatah lagi. paling kurang adalah sekali ditanya 'dah ada boyfriend?'. lepas tu berlarut2 pasal lelaki.. 'takkan takde org lagi kut.?' 'lelaki kat sana takde yang hensem ke?' 'cari la sorang untuk aku sekali' arrggghhh... apa nak buat aku sengih saja lah.. susah2.. dunia mau kiamat.. xde pemisahan antara haq dan batil.. disini segalanya terlalu mudah... tiada siapa melarang aku utk berbuat baik.. tiada siapa pertikaikan aku bila aku push away semua lelaki2... yang aku dapat hanya penghormatan... tapi kalau di sana, if I keep doing what I do here, akulah kolot.. akulah jumud.. akulah berlagak best.. arggghhh... apekah ini.. baca quran in public bila ada masa lapang pun tak boleh ke?? pakai baju labuh sikit rimas orang tengok?? apa masalah?? Kenapa susah nak jadi muslim di negara islam?? kenapa?? kenapa?? tak paham aku kenapa kalo aku pergi oversea aku kena ada boyfriend.. aku kena pakai pakaian 'modern'.. aku kena berlagak minah saleh..

kesimpulannya.. suka hati akulah aku nak jadi apa... asal Allah suka... huh..